Sunday, May 16, 2010

Driving through Life

It is with great pleasure that I revisit this such infrequently written blog. Sporadically, in my life things come and go. Thoughts, words, ideas and so on. Tonight they have all come together. Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I started and finished a book (of my own choosing). A book I actually invested my thought into and a book that actually made me think of my own life. What is sure to follow is random, unstructured writing of an unpolished writer but I feel compelled to speak anyway.

The story in this book features an adolescent boy who meets an older woman and discovers a whole new outlook on life. I won't ruin the story but towards the end the boy, now a man, discovers that his past is troublesome but the one he has created for himself and he is okay with that. Though the story is nothing like my life it has allowed me to intuitively think of the way I live.

In case you were unaware, I graduated with a master's degree a mere week ago, and I am moving forward with my life. Of course I will always receive the question, "so what are you going to do". It's a valid question and not one I can ever answer directly. And for now I am okay with that.

Lately I have been thinking about the expectations people have for themselves, friends, family, and others. We have a set standard of norms and sometimes what I feel to be a manuscript. The manuscript is "Go to college, get a job and/or continue your education, follow a structured and sound plan." Well, I have been following a structured plan for six years now and I have to say I am ready to be done with that for a while.

Our whole lives we are in controlled environments. We live in a world of rectangles, air conditioning, synonymous vehicles, clothing, styles. It's all structured whether we want it to be or not. It is as if we are living in an episode of The Truman Show yet we will never be able escape the bubble over us. Or can we?

After I finished my book (titled "The Reader" in case you were interested in it) I decided to go for a nighttime drive. During this drive, I thought about my life and how for the first time, at least by my own recognition, I had control in my life, and how I am able to do this by losing structure. I have decided that once I break down my own barriers will I be happy and free. For the first time I feel in control of my movements. Where I go next, who I choose to see, and what I go to do are in my own power. If I can only free myself from myself then I can I be truly free. Make sense?

On this drive I listened to a little Death Cab for Cutie and some of their lyrics always hit home with a current trend in my life. Take this excerpt from "Your heart is an empty Room."

"The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free"

Everything that I have known can change and I am fine with that. In fact I welcome its change. For I am "finally free" that I can see things clear.

Certainly structure and organization can be good but I don't want to get caught in a trap and then think back on the past I created and hold regrets. It is cliche to sound like this but nonetheless how I feel. Hopefully this makes sense to you. I know it does to me. All that is left now is to live the way I have always wanted to, shapeless and free.

Monday, January 25, 2010

What's Next?

Here I am, on a surprisingly mellow night for a Monday during basketball season. It is day one of intramural sports from a participant standpoint, and on a day where I would normally be assisting officials, helping staff or officiating, I am reading a book from class. The book is Transforming Public Leadership for the 21st Century. It has occurred to me how amazing it is that one book with so many words can say so little to me. I suppose it is the lack of passion for standard issue books or my undeniable loathing of the modern education system, or just the lackluster effort that is put into a program that makes me wonder, what's next.

When I started school in kindergarten and made it to first grade, I remember thinking, will I ever get to sixth grade? When I made it to junior high, I thought, will I ever finish school? When I finally graduated from high school, I knew everything would be different. I knew I would find the girl of my dreams, I would land my dream job at age 23, and everything would be perfect. When I was a freshman in college, I could not wait for all this to happen. Where am I now, you ask?

I am 24, clueless as to a specific area that I will pursue, single, and just trying to get my foot in the door of a program. But what does that mean? Have I failed? If I did is that a good thing, since you have to fail before you succeed? I guess it could mean many things, and they could be different for you and me. On the flip side, I never would have dreamed I would have went to grad school, gone to school for two additional years, be living in Georgia and be in a position that I am now.

I suppose I am saying that life isn't perfect. Sure everyone has an opinion on what they think is right and how to do this or that, but in the end it is really about the decisions we make individually. At the end of the day, if we can look in the mirror and be proud of who we are, is that not enough? Success can be measured in multiple ways and maybe if we were not so critical or so superficial we might see that is okay to be who we are. Sometimes we are so consumed in status that we forget to think about our own happiness. I think about a line from the show Scrubs, when an old lady was dying and asked J.D. about his "Bucket List." One thing she asked him was, "How many times have you lied in the grass and just done nothing?" It is such a simple concept but do we ever stop to consider it in this world we live? I guess it's officially time to "stop, and smell the roses." Maybe, just maybe, if I do that, the rest will all fall into place.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Finally

Football is back in full swing. Week 2 of high school football (in Georgia) is now, college football is in week 3 (the first game was Valdosta State, before anyone else played), and the NFL just kicked off Thursday night, and will be in full swing this Sunday. Sure it's fun to watch the 2nd highest paid team (Detroit Tigers) swirl around .500 and just play average, but it's much better to watch football competitions between teams playing hard and keeping games interesting, especially in the beginning of the season when everyone is fresh.

I finally have internet at the house, which means much more Pandora, and much more Yahoo euchre. I'm incredibly excited that Mediacom has ESPN360, as I feel I may be able to catch a few Bobcat basketball games on the internet. I am really looking forward to seeing what Groce can do.

Other things I am looking forward to is being completely settled in to the place I live now. We have tv, internet, and everything we need. All that's left for me is to get a dresser and clean my room (clothes are just everywhere).

While I'm continuing this sporadic blog let me talk about a few things.

I will stay up late for any game that is like the UCLA - Tennessee game. With two big name schools playing in a close and exciting game, it is always worth staying up for, regardless of when I have to be up.

The similarities between the two schools I like and the two rivals of each school is quite scary. UM (Universirt of Michigan) vs. UM (University of Miami). Game time: 12:00 Noon. TV: ESPN2. TOSU (The Ohio State University) vs. TOU (The Ohio University - it says the on the diploma, of course, I don't have mind yet). Game time: 12:00 Noon. TV: ESPN. Pretty crazy huh?

I am really looking forward to how Cincinnati plays against Oklahoma, as I think they will prove they are legit competitors. I am also intrigued in the GameDay's game: Miami vs. Florida. If you look at the history, Miami has owned in the most recent games. Don't expect history to be completely forgotten in this battle of the titans.

My look forward to game for the NFL: New York Jets vs. Miami Dolphins. Because of the area I live in, I will probably be able to watch this game, and I will get to see Brett Favre's new team vs. Chad Pennington's old team. I will also be able to watch the speedster Ted Ginn, which I am excited about. I'm also, believe it or not, excited about the Dallas Cowboys vs. Cleveland Browns. Normally I wouldn't say I'd ever be excited about the Browns, but I am excited to see exactly what that Ohio-North Orange team is made of.

To complete this blog let me leave you with this statement that you can ratiocinate in your brain:

John McCain would look just like Dr. Evil if he shaved all his hair. (You know it's true)

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Buckeye in GA

Well friends, it has been a lengthy while, but here finally is a new post.

It's been five weeks since I first stepped foot into Valdosta, GA. It seems like just yesterday I was starting my senior year of college, not knowing what was next. But now, things are flying by and I have to say it has been fun.

Valdosta, GA, where I now reside, is quite the city. For the first time in my life, I consider myself part of a "diverse" city. Certainly it is not like Athens diverse, and definitely not even close to my hometown diverse (the only minority in my class was one Mexican kid). This city of approximately 40,000 residents features all different types of locations and all kinds of characters. One example is the north side of town vs. the south side. It's kind of like Cubs-White Sox (well not really), but there are two rival schools here. You have Valdosta High School on the north side and Lowndes High School (essentially) on the south side. Although I have not witnessed it yet, I have been told that the town basically shuts down when these two rivals go head-to-head in football. For those of you unfamiliar with some of the tradition of high school football around here I will give you this insert (per wikipedia).

"Valdosta has a strong high school football tradition. The Valdosta High School Wildcats have the winningest high school football program in the country.[14] Its record from 1913 through 2004 includes six national championships, 23 state championships, and 41 regional championships. Cross-town rival Lowndes High School has also built a strong program, winning four state titles since 1980 (including 2004, 2005 and 2007).[1]"

Both schools are the reason why a town like Valdosta, GA, even gets a mention on ESPN, thanks to their titletown special.

But enough about football, let's talk more about the city. I really do enjoy what is offered around here. I feel like the place still has that bit of a hometown feel, but it is still large enough that you will find things to do. I mean, there are restaurants all over, there is a $2 theatre, and there are some decent bars (though I've only experience three so far). The university is plopped right into the middle of the city, so things are never too far away. It's great to see the different mix of people at the university. You will have your stereotypcial "southerners" with the country accents and everything, but you will also find people from Atlanta and other places farther north who talk much more similar to me. (I have already met a few people originally from Ohio and Michigan). The university features quite the mix of ethnicities: Black, White, the occasional Asian, and a few randoms in-between. It's funny to me, since this is the largest city I have lived in, to see some stereotypes come true. For instance, nearly every gas station around here is like a "Kwik-e-Mart" because of who is working behind the counter. And yes, the Mexican population has a strong showing as restaurant employees. Fascinating stuff, I know.

It is cool to see how many UGA fans there are in the area. You can tell that they think of their team the way Ohioans think of the Buckeyes. The other day I saw a man at the bank, dressed in a Bulldog shirt with the Bulldog logo everywhere. The logo must have been on his clothing 500 some times. But it is definitely not all UGA around here. Since I live near the Florida border, I run into the occasional Gator fan. It reminds of my days back home, when I lived near the Michigan border, and saw the occasional Wolverines gear. So you can see the pride of these people and their sports teams. It is pretty fun being down here; the only thing I will need to figure out next is... Where or where will I watch my Buckeye games?

Don't fret Buckeye fans, I'll find that place.

Monday, January 21, 2008

It's Inevitable...

I know when I am up a 1:36 in the morning, particularly when I'm sober, it's for no good reason. Reason: Cannot go to sleep to save my life. I had all the greatest intentions but I have warmed the laptop back up, and I am already doing funny things.

For one, I looked up Miley Cyrus's new hit song. Yes, just the song, not her. If I want to see a young hottie I'll just search for Vanessa Hudgens ;-). Well, back to Miley, she has this one song lyric that I like..."the last time I freaked out" and I think that is relatively appropriate to me. See, I freak out a lot, but usually you don't know it. Usually it happens at around 1:30 in the morning on a weekday, so who is going to notice anyway. It's not like I have any girls lying in my bed.
When I freak out I also often decide to type. Now why do these two things even go together? Hell if I know, maybe my subconscious wants to tell me something with the eyes of a frosty eve, or maybe I'm just being a douche, either way I'm up and I'm typing.

I have been up because of what often keeps me up, the thoughts of my life in general. I have a great life with many good things going for me, which I love but there is always that one thing that lacks...ladies.

Yes, I know women, in fact I know many. Some pretty crazy, some pretty tame, some in between. I would love to have complete this part of my mysterious puzzle but at the same time I don't want it to get in the way of what I have. You're saying to yourself right now, "but Huggy Bear, true love conquers all." Well that's all good and well when things are ripe, but I am in my last year of college and in 5 months I am saying goodbye to Athens. So you can see the type of paradox that has presented itself to me.

However, I shall not fret, for I know there are many like me, single for various reasons, and I know that this is true for both sexes, but it would be nice to snatch into something before I go.

I guess I will just continue to take it one day at a time, and hope for the best to what lies ahead.


Huggy Bear is a lovable and loyal member of the Ohio University community and endorses the love that is OU.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Desensitized Sports

Since around the time I was a youngen, and could remember basic things, I have been a sports fan and fanatic. I started playing organized sports at the age of 10, all the way to my senior year. As a fan, I grew up on the Ohio State Buckeyes, the Oakland Raiders, and the Detroit Tigers. Any time I was able to watch these teams on tv I was almost overjoyed to have that viewing pleasure. In high school my emotional interest was at an all-time high by being able to watch my teams in their respective title games while consummating "uber" amounts of knowledge in NFL Football, where I knew just about anything you wanted to know about fantasy football. (NFL Sunday Ticket didn't help depress this interest any either.) But since my time after high school, after the last Buckeye title, and the dreadful performance of my beloved Oakland Raiders in the Super Bowl, I have found myself not nearly as immensed in sports.

I would assume you would wonder why this is so, and basically, there are a combination of factors at work here.

In no particular order:

1) I never play organized sports anymore, which is something I did in high school where I was a 3-sport athlete for Football, Basketball, and Baseball. Not being directly involved in the sports has somewhat lessened my interest for what I once knew so well.

2) Sports are covered by the media 24/7, and to me the amount of coverage sports topics get is insane. Granted it's ESPN's job to cover sports and all, but do they need 5 different shows to have everyone state their differing opinions? Seriously if my professional job was to gather information about sports all the time I could give some damn good opinions. In fact, I can give damn good opinions now, and I would probaly have more credibility than Skip "Clue"less. It seems as if 99% of time is spent talking about games, and 1% is actually the game itself. Essentially this has led me to watch much less ESPN and any other sports coverage to avoid burnout... but I digress.

3) I no longer live and die with my sports, because I have come to realize I use sports as a form of entertainment and simple recreation. It is now not usually a complete personal connection like it once was for me. I believe this realization came to fruition when I started officiating. Seeing some of the antics I have seen, and still see in sports, it makes me really wonder about the possibilities that could be created. If people were as passionate as they are in sports, maybe they would have better relationships, do more for humanity, or at least make more positive contributions to society. These feelings have increasingly developed as I "grow up" and realize what is really important. Proof that sports are just a game can be found in the sad story of Sean Taylor. It really puts things in perspective.

4) Fans sometimes become overly obsessed with sports and will sometimes resort to violence or dumb, illegal activities, and to me this is just stupid. However, this is not one of the bigger reasons for my "desensitization," rather just some seasoning to the dish.

Although I am sure I can come up with more reasons, I will stop with four for now. I'm sure there are others who have similar feelings as I, however, I'm also sure many feel a lot differently. Just thought I'd let you all know how I feel.

So, am I saying I no longer like sports and they have o interest to me? No, not at all. I still watch all my favorite sports teams very faithfully and enjoy the moments I am able to view my teams. Hell, I was almost crying when the Tigers made it to the World Series last year, and that was passion I never knew I had. I'm guessing that's what the Browns fans will feel when their team (if ever) gets to the Super Bowl. Yeah, I was a little disappointed in Ohio State's performance last year in both football and basketball, and of course saddened by the Tigers series loss in the World Series, but at the end of the day it was all "just a game."


On the flip side, sports can be an incredible tool. Look at the two men from Ireland (their names escape me) who bring together the Protestant and Catholics (a rivalry that would put OSU-UM to shame) in the form of youth basketball. Sports can save a kids life when it is in a downward spiral, and offer the opportunity of education to a student how is in a financially poor family. It can be a release from the everyday life, see: First game in the Super Dome since Katrina. And sports can be so much more...



So sports fans, know the importance, but keep it all in perspective. Keep taking pride in your teams, be respectful, and never forget the games are played with "child-like" simplicity. I strive to make sports a more positive experience every day, and I hope that never changes.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Driven

When bipeds began wondering about our wonderful Earth, they had to adapt through learning. They had to face predators like 12 foot gigantopithecus and the wooly mammoth, while adjusting to conditions such as blistering cold temperatures or red-hot droughts. These times were not easy and not every cousin survived. The Neanderthals, for instance, could not overcome the ice age that once covered much of the northern hemisphere, hence leading to their extinction. But the ones who survived took learning as a tool and used it as a way of survival.

Those survivors: Humans. Through their (or our) learning they figured ways to store water, food, and procession of societal ways to stay alive. Granted their tactics were more barbaric, but this was just the early stages of the homo sapien. So what separated this creature from the one before it? The answer is simple: creativity.

With the use of fire, humans were able to think, dream, and hope. Ultimately this quality has been passed along to us through the use of time and perseverance. Reflecting on those traits, (we) humans have organized societies, created organizations, influenced political agenda, and even pushed the limit of good vs. evil.

Other incredible feats include the ancient Egyptians, who built pyramids in ways we have trouble understanding. One-hundred ton stones were shifted and re-located in unkown ways by ancient societies. Empires larger than continents were formed through force and will. So, what does this have to do with us?

We are extremely capable, but not beyond our imagination. I say this because our imagination has no limit. We can envision a world with nothing but fiction, a place where our dreams have no sense of time, a wonderful prospect of ideality. It is our imagination that has given us electricity, the wheel, motorized engines, computers, and endless possibilities.

We must remind ourselves at times that we have to expand our boundaries, go beyond the norm, and break the rules. Complacency is the easy way, but challenge will present the reward.

Think about your life, your story. Is it all that you imagined and everything you hoped? If not, why not start writing you best-selling novel? There is no better time than now. Eleanor Roosevelt puts it well when she says "The purpose of life is to live it, to taste the experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."

Always make time to dream, never lose sight on your potential, and dream the dream that connects us from our deepest roots of our ancestors. This is your life, live it!